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Because We Care

Most of White Inches’ community service is court-ordered and involves an orange jumpsuit, trash bags and the BQE. But recently, in a rare display of altruism, we decided to give a little something back to the community by serving as chaperones for an 8^th grade ski trip. For the students, it was an opportunity to benefit from our life’s wisdom, socio-political insights and, of course, our vast knowledge of skiing technique. For us, it was a free day on the hill.

Our destination was the frozen tundra of Windham Mountain. And despite the enormity of the resort and its myriad challenges (chutes, cornices, tree wells, mogul fields, etc.) we are happy to report that all of our charges emerged unscathed. The snow condition forecast - morning ice with a chance of afternoon slush - proved accurate, so we spent most of the day dragging the kids around looking for decent turns. The snow gods rewarded our efforts when we made our way over to Wolverine and found a powder field of untracked, ankle-deep, man-made freshies. Of course, we spent the rest of the day there soaking up calf shots until it was time to pack the kids back onto the bus and retire to the Chateau for beer and jerky.

Two noteworthy tidbits from an enjoyable-but-otherwise-uneventful day: (1) Much to Schlüz’ chagrin, and Güzo’s delight, all of the kids in the advanced group were two-plankers. Maybe all of the knuckle draggers are new school and chose to spend their time in the pipe or the terrain park. Or maybe they were just intimidated by the Windham steeps. (2) The girls VASTLY outclassed the boys. Fellas, we suggest you take off your skirts and step up your game before next season.

Ask Roy Stalin

Today we debut a regular feature, "Ask Roy Stalin." Ask Roy anything! Skiing questions, relationship advice, health & wellness tips -- you ask, Roy answers!

Dear Roy,

There's this guy that I really like in my office. I know that dating someone at work is risky, but he is totally cute and I think he likes me too. How should I find out if he does and then should I pursue it? We're both pretty new in the office and I would hate for this to blow up and for everyone to think I'm a total slut...

Thanks!
Debbie
Pasadena, California

Debbie, my favorite name...

Drop this zero and get yourself a hero.

Seriously... why don't you come over and give me a massage? Your massage will be gauged along with a rating of one to ten on your style, judged solely by me and my vast expertise of massage technique.

The Birth of "White Inches"

White Inches was born several years ago while drinking beers on a deck in Park City, Utah... the monstrous brainchild of two friends who had been skiing together for years and felt the ski industry was missing an important demographic -- the extremely witty, frequently drunk, always ready to drop everything for a powder day, usually gainfully employed but not monstrously wealthy, music-loving, beer-drinking, red-blooded American male.

The kind of guy you would want to hang out with; might not let date your sister but, over time, might become okay with it and then keep in touch with him more than her when they inevitably broke up because he forgot her birthday because he got drunk and watched football with you.

The kind of guy who doesn't really care about what wine goes with his lift pass.

The kind of guy who enjoys ski movies but is realistic about the fact that... Honestly? He's a really good skier, but leave hucking 60 foot cliffs to the pros because he does have to get to work to pay for his passes and that would be difficult if he crushes his spine.

The kind of guy that the big glossy ski magazines ignore.

Essentially, you. And women like you.

And so... White Inches was born. And it was good.